Every recurring argument has a hidden script running underneath. Two coworkers who clash over meeting formats might actually be fighting about respect: one feels overlooked when decisions are made without their input. Identifying the script changes everything.

The iceberg conversation technique helps surface these hidden causes. Ask: "What would it mean to you if we handled this your way?" The answer reveals the deeper need. Someone fighting for a bigger budget might really need recognition. Someone resisting a schedule change might need predictability because the rest of their life feels chaotic.