The Soft Start-Up

Dr. John Gottman calls it the soft start-up: leading with "I feel" instead of "You always." It sounds simple, but under stress your brain defaults to blame mode.

Try this formula: "I feel [emotion] when [specific situation] because [why it matters to me]." No accusations, no scorekeeping. You're describing your inner weather, not prosecuting a case. Partners can argue with your conclusions but they can't argue with your feelings.