The Cheat Sheet

Replace these fight-starters with connection-builders that describe your experience instead of attacking their character:

• "You never listen" — "I feel unheard when I share something important and get no response"
• "You're so selfish" — "I need more consideration about how decisions affect both of us"
• "Whatever, fine" — "I'm shutting down because I don't know how to say this without it going sideways"
• "You always do this" — "There's a pattern here that's hurting me, and I want to break it together"

The first version puts your partner on trial. The second invites them in.