Rupture is Inevitable

No couple avoids conflict. Gottman's research found that even the happiest pairs have what he calls perpetual problems — irreconcilable differences — on roughly 69% of their issues. The difference between couples who last and those who don't isn't fewer fights.

A repair attempt is any statement or action that prevents negativity from spiraling. It can be humor, an apology, a touch, or even a deliberate change of topic. Masters of relationships make repair attempts constantly — and their partners actually notice them.