Hearing vs Listening

Your partner is talking. You're nodding. But in your head, you're already building your rebuttal. That's hearing, not listening. Active listening asks you to set your own perspective aside and fully inhabit theirs.

The shift feels unnatural because your brain treats conversations like competitions. Someone talks, you score points by responding cleverly. But relationships aren't debates. The person who "wins" an argument with their partner actually loses — they're with someone who feels defeated.