Clean Fighting Rules

Rules of engagement that protect love during disagreement:

• Attack the problem, not the person — "This situation frustrates me" not "You frustrate me"
• No scorekeeping — bringing up past offenses poisons the current issue
• One topic at a time — kitchen-sinking (piling on issues) overwhelms and shuts people down
• Use "I" not "you" — "I feel ignored" lands differently than "You ignore me"
• Agree on a pause word — when things escalate, either person can call a 20-minute timeout

These rules feel artificial at first. Then they become muscle memory. Then they become who you are as a couple.