The 20-Minute Reset

The biggest repair mistake is starting too soon. When you're flooded, your thinking brain goes offline and needs about twenty minutes to come back. Talk before that, and you just re-fight. Once you're calm, run the checklist:

1. Cool down first — wait out the flood
2. Share feelings, not accusations
3. Name the old wound this fight touched
4. Own your slice of the escalation
5. Validate each other — "It makes sense you felt that way"