The Identity Shift

Becoming a parent triggers a fundamental identity reorganization. You shift from being primarily a partner to being primarily a parent. That shift is necessary for the child but hard on the relationship if no one tends to it.

The healthiest couples hold onto three identities: individual, partner, and parent. When the parent identity swallows everything, the relationship starves. When the individual identity vanishes, resentment builds.

Protect the partner identity by doing one romantic, non-parental thing each week. A glass of wine after bedtime. A short talk about anything but the kids. Something that reminds you both you chose each other first.