Upstairs Brain vs. Downstairs Brain

Dr. Dan Siegel uses a powerful metaphor:

• The downstairs brain (brain stem and limbic system) handles survival: fight, flight, freeze, and big emotions
• The upstairs brain (prefrontal cortex) handles reasoning, empathy, and self-control
• During a tantrum, the downstairs brain has locked the upstairs brain out
• You cannot access the upstairs brain through lectures or logic
• You must first calm the downstairs brain through connection and safety

This is why "use your words" fails mid-tantrum. The part of the brain that uses words has been shut down by the part that screams.