The Horizontal Relationship

Adler split relationships into vertical and horizontal. Vertical relationships involve hierarchy — one person above, one below. Praise and punishment both create that dynamic. When you praise a child for good behavior, you cast yourself as the judge who evaluates them.

Horizontal relationships treat everyone as equals on a shared journey. Instead of praising, you express gratitude or encouragement. The shift is subtle but powerful. Praise says "you did what I wanted." Encouragement says "I see your effort and I appreciate it." One creates obedience; the other creates self-reliance.