Listening Beyond Words

When a child does talk, listen for what is underneath the words. "I hate school" might mean "I have no friends at lunch." "You're the worst mom" might mean "I'm furious that I can't control this." "I'm fine" from a teenager almost always means the opposite.

The skill is called reflective listening: instead of answering the surface statement, name the emotion you sense beneath it. "Sounds like something at school really hurt today." This opens a door without forcing the child through it.