Where It Comes From

Asking why you act this way is not an excuse. It points you at the root so you can change the pattern instead of just hiding the symptom.

Most toxic behavior grows from one of two places.

Learned behavior. You watched it growing up and absorbed it as normal. If your father showed frustration through rage, rage may now be your default.

Unprocessed pain. Hurt people hurt people. An old wound leaks out sideways. The anger you aim at your partner may really belong to a parent.