Self-Compassion is Not Soft

Self-compassion has an image problem. People hear the term and think it means letting yourself off the hook, making excuses, or wallowing in self-pity. The research shows the exact opposite.

Kristin Neff, the leading researcher in this field, defines self-compassion as treating yourself with the same kindness and honesty you would offer a close friend who is struggling. Not lower standards — the same standards, just delivered with respect instead of cruelty.

Most people treat themselves far worse than they would treat anyone else. They say things to themselves — "You are pathetic," "What is wrong with you?" — that they would never say to a friend.