Three Moves in the Moment

When the urge to rescue spikes, you need something to do with your hands and your head. Try one of these:

• Phone a friend. Process your own anxiety out loud, to another adult, instead of acting on it.
• Ask, don't assume. Say, "Do you want help, or do you just want to vent?" Often they only need to be heard.
• Delay and revisit. Give it until tomorrow. Many problems either resolve overnight or look far smaller in the morning.

The parent who can tolerate a child's temporary discomfort raises a child who can tolerate their own.