Positive vs. Negative

Positive interactions include:

• Showing interest in your partner's day, thoughts, or feelings
• Being affectionate — physical and verbal expressions of love
• Showing you care — small acts of service and thoughtful attention
• Being appreciative — expressing gratitude for specific things they do
• Finding agreement — "good point" or "I see what you mean"

Negative interactions carry far more weight. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are Gottman's Four Horsemen. Even a single contemptuous remark can undo hours of positive connection.