The Bid Audit

Spend one week tracking your bid patterns. Notice when you bid, how you bid, and how your partner responds — and vice versa. Most people are stunned to discover their own turn-away rate. You think you're attentive, but your phone tells a different story.

The goal isn't perfection. Gottman's Masters still miss bids — they just repair quickly when they do. If you missed a bid, circle back: "You said something earlier and I didn't really respond. Tell me again." That sentence alone is a real bid in itself.